All it takes

*second post today but just a rebuttal to the first one :]

Sometimes, all it takes
is a day spent with someone you really like to make you feel 100x better :D!!

....I wonder how many boyfriends I'll go through in the time period I actually keep my blog going.
I think I've gone through 3 so far.
Not too many considering I've had this blog since the beginning of 2008.

Donald is the new one :D!
Haha I like him. Course, I always say that.
He's just not that typical flaky guy that I usually date. He's confident with himself and definitely hasn't failed to hold back from making the first move.
Which, I like a lot!

He came to get me around 2:30
and we went to McDonalds. The dude working the register was really nice to me and told me my outfit was pretty :]
and he tried to convince me that my order of fries would be twenty bucks and I threatened to go to Burger King XD!
Don started out sitting across from me
and then jumped over to come sit...basically on top of me. So I scooted of a bit and then spilled Coke all over the table.
Yeah, I'm reaaaaallll smooth when it comes to the opposite sex.

I don't feel like going into details of our day
but it was nice ^-^

The whole "lust" stage is my favorite of any relationship
and I wish it stuck around longer than it usually does.
Oh wells.

I think I was going somewhere with this....

OH YEAH!
I feel way better :]!!

Yep!
Ups and downs. All apart of life

Sometimes.

Sometimes, I hate the fact that I have the ability to chose exactly who I want to be.
I hate that I can change my style, the music I listen to, the color of my hair, etc.
Why?
Because it's scary as heck!

In a day, I can completely change who I am.
It's up to me how I treat people, who I hang out with, and what thoughts go on in my mind.
I can chose how long I stay locked up in my room or spend my day in general.
I hate making plans because sometimes, I'd just rather stay at home
and watch television with my parents.

I want to be social.
But I want stay in and be friends with my parents.
I don't want to lose the ability of either one of those.
Recently, with the entrance of a boy from Blue Ridge into my life, I'm not home at least one day every weekend.
I kinda hate that too. Although I love hanging out with him; I just want to stay at home.
Like today. I'm kind of dreading 2 hours from now when he gets here.
But I also cannot WAIT for him to get here!

I'm beyond confused with myself right now :[

I kind of hate that I'm wasting so much time sitting down here blogging
instead of being upstairs.
I just now walked upstairs and am sitting with my mom while she's doing taxes.
That makes me feeeel a bit better!

I'm scared I'm going to grow up to be one of those kids who can't stand to leave their parents and gives up every dream they have of their own.
I'm scared of being crazy. Always have been always will be.

Actually, part of last month and so far this month, I've just felt like I'm spiraling down into a life of someone else.
I know it's probably just teenage depression or anxiety or whatever it's called when you're being silly and confused.

I just fear of maturing
and to lose my sense of finding everything in the universe funny.
I liked my carefree nature and I don't want to lose that.
Of course I'm going to have more responsibility as I'm older (that goes without saying) and I know that I have to keep stuff for Starship awesome and in order now too.
But still, I don't want to lose my "Bri-ness"
I'm so scared of becoming drab and boring and completely not being who I am. Maybe I'm not being myself by worrying about not being myself anymore.
I just kinda get the sense that I'm on the outside of my body looking in and I don't even see myself anymore.

It's scary.
I hate it.
I want it to stop and I want to feel better!!

Sometimes I wish I had people who were just like "this is what you're going to look like, think, and say"
just so I didn't have to be so scared of making these decisions myself.

I WANT WINTER GONE! I can't do this cold weather crap anymore DDX
Maybe Spring will bring, along with flowers and beautiful weather, myself back.

The life I want to live.

Farrah actually showed me this video awhile ago but it kind of sums of how I want to live my life when I'm older.
I know it'll probably happen, but I really don't want to become a part of mainstream life.

I want to be indulged in the DIY world.
Be an artist who lives on the top floor of some run down apartment in the middle of the city.
I want to run my own business and love what I do! Never have to answer to anyone and just constantly be surrounded by my friends.
I want to have a best friend or a boyfriend/husband as my partner in crime! If I can find that one person who covers both of those, I'd be set!

The life that most dread,
sounds perfect to me!
Not exactly knowing what the next day will bring.
I want to travel A LOT and have the money to do so! I want to live comfortably but save my money for more important things...not a big huge house that I'll never need.

I'm so excited to grow up
and follow my dreams and never have to explain myself and just do whatever crazy things pop into my head next!

Yep :]

I think I'm partially retarded.

I get so caught up in my own mind, I sometimes don't realize what's going on in the real world.
I don't know.
I'm in way over my head right now.
I have so much planned for Starship and I can't do it by myself...
I can but it'd be so much easier if Farrah helped out with her part =/

I can get it done
buuut I'm having to teach myself
over and over again
my priorities.

FAMILY AND FAMILY RELATED STUFF
SCHOOL
FRIENDS
CLOTHING LINE

Being home for two weeks straight
has made me lose interest in family, school, and friends.
Sooo I've been terribly unbalanced
and now I just feel really really strange.

I'll get re-balanced
starting tomorrow :]
Since it's school day tomorrow! I'm happy for going back to school!
There isn't enough to do at my house to keep me
occupied for two weeks.

I just needed
to write
and reassure myself
I'm not crazy.

Ringing in the new year

One of the greatest feelings ever.
Even if you're just sitting at home alone watching the ball
drop in Times Square,
you can still feel the entire coast coming together.

Time zone by time zone
they all come together to celebrate their new beginnings.

For just one night
it doesn't matter if someone is standing too close to you
or the guy behind you is talking a cell phone way too loud.

For a few weeks
everyone will be running about
urgently trying to better themselves.
People will join gyms, make treaties with their neighbors, get a job,
stop a bad habit.
Anything they can do to just feel like they are starting over.

But tomorrow
we'll all go back to being annoyed by the same things. All wake up bitter
and ready for the morning commute. We'll wake up
with some hangovers and feeling crappy. We'll roll over and get mad at our alarms.

A few weeks from now
you'll cancel your gym membership and go back to not caring whose feelings you hurt.
you'll go back to your old habits since quitting was inconvenient for you.
You'll be the same person you were last year.

Which makes me sad;which makes me think.
If the entire world can come together at one time, on one day, why must we be so distant
the rest of the year?
Why can't we just truly be amazing people and not have to put it on a list of something to "work on"?
Why do we let silly arguments and other's habits bring us down? Why can't we all live as one?

That's my new year's resolution.
To not have any resolutions for 2010.
I'm going to make it a habit to be a good person, not something I need to work on.

Happy 2k9 everyone! :D

2008...

...kinda sucked.
Of course, it had it's ups and downs.
I wouldn't want to relive it, that's for sure.
But...

I brought in 2008 in the most amazing way.
I was on the ship coming home from Hawaii. Evan, Jase, and I had a dance party
in The Loft till 3 in the morning and then sat in the hallway talking for a long time.
They were some of the chillest people I've ever met in my life
and I still miss them and I still hate the thought that I'll never seen either of them again.

I made color guard!
It's been nice to finally be apart of something that I'm actually kinda good at!
I also met Timmy through color guard...kinda.
I saw him at band practice one day and realized how cute he was ^-^
so from there, I was determined to get to know him XD
Annnnd we've been dating for 3 months now!
I'm good :]
haha

My grandma was hospitalized.
I cried every night for about a week until she finally got to go home.
Timmy was the only person I exactly talked to about how much that hurt and scared
me. And he didn't mind when I cried for hours on the phone and didn't feel like talking.
She's okay now though :]

The summer sucked.
Remember that HUGE list of stuff I wanted to do?
Never did ANY of it!!!!!
Instead, I lost the friend that I made that list with.
We got in a huge fight and have yet to talk. Well...have yet to had
a full on conversation that wasn't highly awkward for me.

I missed Halloween thanks to having a game that night.
I was looking forward to dressing up like a boy and spending the night with my friends.
Ohhhh well.

oh and I got my first kiss this year :DD

There wasn't any good NEW music that came out.
I didn't have a favorite band this year (cept for imadethismistake but they've been around).
Everything sound the same
so I resorted to listening to Nsync and Johny Cash and other weird melodies of strange songs.

I opened Starship with Farrah :D

I got my permit
and a mini van.
I LOVE my van <333

I lost a lot of friends
and I gained a lot of acquaintances.

I've felt lost, confused, alone, and completely ready to give up.
I lost site of why I do the things I do and my morals have been put into
question far to many times.

2008 just wasn't my cup of tea.
I'm looking forward to the end.
I won't miss it a bit.

Change.

I love change just as much as the next person.
If everything were to be the same all the time, naturally, I'd be bored out of my mind.

What most (including myself) don't take into consideration
is there are such things as bad changes.

The type of changes you go through when you're growing up.
The type of changes all of go through and no one can stop.
The changes when kids realized their dreams are completely different from
that of their best friends and they begin to drift apart.
The changes that cause people to feel distant and completely alone.

We all have them. No one can say that haven't ever felt alone
and left out. Awkward and afraid.
It's natural. It's gotta be...
Way more than just a change in classes or how your bedroom is arranged.
A lot deeper than just how the weather outside is or if you are having a bad day.

At some point in your life, changes are involuntary.
One thing you do have control over though, is realizing your changes.
Admitting that you are indeed changing and make them fit your life.
If you still want to be close to the people you were once close with, sit down with
yourself and figure out how to make it work.
Blaming change for losing friends isn't always going to work.

Maybe it's that you have a new boyfriend who is consuming most of your time.
Or maybe you're taking a ridiculously difficult class that keeps you from laid
back friend time.
It might be family troubles or that you just have no idea where you're headed in life.
Get your priorities straight.
Make a list and make sure you stay true to your goals.

Whatever it may be that you're experiencing, the big picture really may not
be that bad. You have the power to become who you want to become.
Don't deny change but don't let it overpower you.