Monday, August 30, 2010

I have so much on my "to do" list and the due date for everything on said list is coming quickly.
sooooo why don't I feel panicked at all?
why am I still just sitting around wasting time that I don't exactly have?

My favorite phrase lately has been
"setting myself up for disaster"
which yes, sounds like a horrible phrase to say but for some reason, it's not bothering me either.

I'm also foolishly adding more stuff to my list such as deciding to design and make my homecoming dress rather than just buying it.


Sunday, August 29, 2010

Best Week Ever

Friday, it was announced I made the homecoming court which I'm really excited about and keep talking about.
Cody and I spent awhile last night picking out possible homecoming dresses while watching Clash of The Titans (which is an awesome movie, btw).
We basically decided on a light blue short dress. I'm hoping to have time to make my dress!

Yesterday was the first edition of Autumnfest and it pretty much dominated!
The band list included:
Casual Dinosaur
and This is Harris

We had a pretty big crowd with a lot new faces and it was just all around awesome
and a grand way to sum up an amazing week!

This is Harris:

The crowd:

Skye's rather nice creeper photography:

Casual Dinosaur:

Although I've had requests for a Winterfest, I think I'm going to hold off.
I don't have a location that isn't outdoors and I personally hate being outside in the cold sooooo tune in next year for Springfest!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

the easy way out.

I promised myself and whoever may of read it that I would make a new "about me" soon. But, I'm lazy and couldn't think of too much that was important to know about me that wasn't already included in my last blog. So I stole a survey from myspace and am going to use it as the new about me and you can now learn my thoughts on stuff that someone else in the world felt like important things one should know about another.

Where do you go to shop for clothes?
Wal Mart, thrift stores, and anywhere else I can afford

Do you buy your own groceries?
not yet, thankfully.
although when I do, I'm going to partake in a much healthier diet and hopefully take up the hobby of gardening and producing a good bit of my own vegetables and fruits.

Do you think people talk about you behind you're back?
I'm sure they's high school.

When's the last time you had a sour gummy worm?
I really dislike those things - I more of a original gummy worm kinda gal

Whats your favorite fruit?

If there was a fire, what would be the first thing you would grab?
probably my teddy bear. or so I would hope. without him, I would be completely devastated for a long time

Do you have a picture of yourself doing a cartwheel?

Have you ever tried to build something?
I mean, nothing of great importance like a house or a bridge but I like to stack things on top of other things to make walls.

Do you play with legos?
not really anymore. but back in the day, they were my main media for wall building

Do you play with barbies?
I was never much of a Barbie kid.
I had lots, yeah
but I would of much rather been outside with my dinosaur figure making it devour grass, flowers, and other random things that the ground produced

Who's your favorite Disney Princess?
I don't think I have one

Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
I do!
He's rather spectacular c:

Would you rather have blue skin or purple skin?
if I could have light blue, I choose blue

Have you ever gotten a sunburn?

Have you eaten snow?
mhmmm! lemon flavor is my favorite

Have you watched Star Wars, any of the six?

Do you have a fuzzy pen?
probably somewhere in my room, yes

Do you fix your bed?
I don't have a bed. I have a mattress on the floor - it requires no fixing

What color are your bedsheets?
purple, blue, white, pink, and some other colors thrown in

Do you wear slippers?
I hate slippers so much. They make my feet uncomfortably warm

What is the coolest lamp you own?
I am not a huge fan of lamps...I mean, I don't have any I don't think.
Just my ceiling light

What's your favorite flower?
the first boy to get me a bouquet of sunflowers will have my heart forever.
yes, surprisingly, I'm /that/ easy to please.

Did you go or do you want to go to prom?
I would like to go to my senior prom, yeah.
I skipped my junior prom though

What does your tissue box look like?
who needs tissues when you have a sleeve?

Did you ever open a lemonade stand?
I did when I was in Ohio but it wasn't my idea or planning.
nor did I know exactly what we were doing...I was just told to sit behind this wagon all day.

Do you listen to classical music?
when I'm working on essays, yes

What's the longest book you've read?
I have no idea.
I read a lot of books.

What smiley best represents you?
"The smile that I do.
In real life."

What do you do when you are stuck?
get unstuck....?

Do you have a "wacky noodle"?
no. all my noodles are perfectly sane, thank you very much.

Do you have your own pool?
My family has a pool...does that count?

Do you have a website where you put your pictures on?
facebook, myspace, and photobucket.

Do you watch Spongebob?
it's my favorite!

What kind of car do you want?
2006 Scion XB
ohhhhh wait, I have one of those [:

Last food you ate?
it was a taco.

Do you make presents?
I do, yes.

Do you make your own jewelry?
not really

How many questions are left in this survey?
I don't know, yo

Are you in advanced classes?
which is why I have a fancy iPad now [;

Do people consider you as smart?
According to Cody I'm "too smart for him"
so yeah, I guess Cody does.

Do you collect anything?
Dr. Strange comic books

Do you collect a series of a certain book?
.....if comic books count then I've already answered this

What time is it?

Is your away message on?
is you on?

Do a lot of your friends have xanga?

Do you have premium?
shut up.

Have you ever been to Jamaica?
no thanks

Do you make your own cards?
I always draw my cards and write my own meaningful messages in them.
I don't need some strange millions of miles away telling me how I should feel about my loved ones on certain occasions.

Have you ever tried gluing your fingers together?
yes. I succeeded too

What was the stupidest thing you've done?
your mom
ohhhhhhhhhbuuurrrnnnnnnn +2,000pts for original joke!

How many languages do you know?
English and a little bit of Spanish

Can you skip stones?
as of a few months ago, yes

What's the weather like?
it's quite chilly. HANG ON!
I'll ask my iPad [;
it's 70degrees right now and kinda cloudy

What did you do?
what DIDN'T I do?

Have you eaten breakfast yet?
I had a donut about 13 hours ago for breakfast

What did you eat?

What do you see when you like out the window or door?

Have you exercised?

What do you plan to do for the rest of the day or tomorrow?
then wake up and go to school

When did you wake up?

Have you eaten lunch yet?
I ate lunch about 8 hours ago

Have you gone out to eat and where?
I ate dinner at Taco Bell in Murphy

Did you buy anything?
a taco

Has something changed drastically today?
not really

Are you happy?
extremely, yes [:

Did you sing aloud today?

Did you talk to a friend on the phone?
not that I recall

How many times have you gone to the bathroom so far?
I have no idea

Have you taken a nap?

What are you listening to at the moment?
Fly Me Away - Annie Little

What is one thing that happened today that you will never forget?
today wasn't all that memorable.
I got my iPad but I'm sure I'll forget that I go it on this very day unless I right it down somewhere.
August 5, 2k10.

Is anyone in the room with you?

Are you feeling lazy?
I'm exhausted

Are you feeling bored?
I'm exhausted

What have you accomplished today?
I wrote a pretty awesome paper and made 100 on my algebra 3 quiz

so there you go!
I hope you feel super caught up in my life ^-^

Oh and I'm currently a pretty big Of Mice & Men fan

other random stuff:
this has been the best week I've had in awhile. I am super happy in my relationship with Cody and I'm always smiling over dumb stuff I remember about him and I'm actually kinda bothered at the moment because I didn't really get to talk to him at all today.
Autumnfest is coming up at the end of this week as well as the first football game for my last season of color guard.
Everything is fantastic and wonderful [:

Monday, August 23, 2010

Decisions, Decisions

if only life were as easy as Dragon Quest 9. I would choose to fight monsters in a purple fur poncho and all would be right in the world.

Oh and to start this blog off right, I offer you a flashback of mine.
I often forget how much I love Tales of Mere Existence.
This is my personal favorite:

and darnit.
I spent so long watching Tales videos that I forgot what the point of this blog was.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

So we fell in love, & ran away

I said we will return, she said some distant day.

I would just like to mark this point in time as a time that I am incredibly happy.
With everything.
With where it's all headed.
With where it's all at.
Ya know, everything

Monday, August 16, 2010

The opening stanza of this poem really stuck with me, for some reason.
I spent a really long time hunting it down after Krieger showed it to us in class today.
So, to ensure I don't lose it again, I'll make it a cozy home in my blog

First Grade
by Ron Koertge

Until then, every forest
had wolves in it, we thought
it would be fun to wear snowshoes
all the time, and we could talk to water.

So who is this woman with the gray
breath calling out names and pointing
to the little desks we will occupy
for the rest of our lives?

Hi, Senior Year. Nice to see you!

So I haven't really updated anything having to do with school...or events of life at all lately.
I'm going to try and make time for another "self evaluation" blog. Much like this one:
just to kind of recenter myself in my brain and, as a good friend told me a few weeks ago, it's always good to anchor yourself and make sure you don't lose the real you.

In the meantime, let's see here...
senior year started Friday and today was my first "official" day of classes and coming to the sad realization I spend my entire day running from one class to the next. Literally running...they're all so far away from each other and I only hope "A" day classes don't have the same fate.

I filled out my first college application and now just need to remember to withdraw $100 from my savings so I can send it in. Oh along with a bit of my portfolio in hopes on them giving me some scholarships or, at least, allowing me to exempt a few courses. My heart is set on San Fransisco. The post right below this one has to do with that. It's honestly not just that it's far away from here...if here gave me the same opportunities, I'd be a bit more willing to stay.
But even SCAD can't offer me the same benefits.
Advantages of going to The Academy in San Fransisco:
- If I work off my butt off to get to the top of my class, my work gets featured in New York Fashion Week in front of the most important people in fashion ever.
- Seniors get to put together 3 fashion shows throughout the year. The Academy invites big name designers to come and see the students' works and, possibly, choose some interns.
- They focus very much on real world industry. Not just teaching you how to design correctly but also working with you every step of the way in order to push you into the industry
- With housing & everything included, it's half the cost of SCAD per year

But anyway, moving on.
That Cody boy who has been popping up in recent blogs, is, as of the 14th, my official partner in crime as I set out on this insane school year. He's already lived through it so I'm sure it'll be extra nice to have him around.
Plus, he's really interesting and I'm diggin' his strong religious beliefs and high morals.
If by any off chance he sees this, I don't want to raise his ego too much so I'll cut off with saying nice things about him for now. Haha

Teachers apparently think it's really funny to constantly bring up the fact that "real life is no longer have high school to hide behind."
Talk about financial aid, student loans, college applications, etc
is really freaking me out. But I think I got it covered.
As long as I do what my heart tells me to do, I'll figure out the technicalities when they come.

My very last first football game is next Friday, August 27th.
Autumnfest is August 28th.
So I'll update you on all that fun stuff when it comes up!

Till then, I'm going to continue to bounce around and pretend like I have everything all figured out. And ya know, just enjoy one day at a time.
"don't worry about the future. or worry, but know that worrying is about as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum"

Sunday, August 15, 2010

I promise, I'm not running away.
I'm following my dreams and building a life for myself.
And following what I believe to be in my best intentions and what will make me happiest.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

oh doubters...let's go down, down to the river to pray

a friend asked me a few days ago if I had ever been criticized for my religious beliefs or if anyone had ever tried to convert me...all that jazz.
I told him no. My best friend of 7 years is a devoted Christian and there is about 5 different religious beliefs streaming through my family.
We all accept and love each other regardless of our beliefs.

But the more I thought about it...the more I realized I, unintentionally, lied to said friend.
In all honesty, I've never felt worse for my beliefs than I do in this time period.
I constantly feel like I'm somewhat letting down a new friend of mine because I don't understand Christianity.
And I also feel like I make yet another friend totally uncomfortable by attempting to understand Mormonism.

I know it may be silly and I do feel like I'm being much too hard on myself...I mean, we can't please everyone and Buddhism clearly states that you have to be happy with yourself before anyone else will be.

I can't really explain how I feel. My mind is jumbled up at the moment. I was hoping that mentioning it to my blog that my mind would start to work itself out but so far, no such luck.

I really just feel like I'm down in some deep hole with my arms outstretched hoping someone will come along and pull me out. But instead, there is just a lot of people standing around the perimeter of the hole laughing.

But I do realize that I /am/ being far too hard on myself.

Monday, August 9, 2010

& in limbo, I stopped being alone

I've been listening to old imadethismistake music for weeks now. i love it oh so much

my pug dog can apparently sense that my mood is down in the dumps tonight...
she won't leave my side and if I lay down on the couch, she puts her head next to me and stares at me with her bugged out eyes.
and she's definitely right.
today sucked. to say the least.

I woke up really early because my body was fighting me to go back to sleep.
I had a horrible nightmare last night and woke up about 4:30am shaking and ran upstairs to talk to Dad.
I've had this nightmare before...well part of it.
There has been this guy who is about my age and super cute that shows up in my dreams every now and then. The only downside is that he's chasing me and trying to kill me.
before last night, I've always managed to safely get away but for some reason last night, I decided to stop running and I remember saying "I'm not going anywhere...just do it...I quit."
so he ran up to me with a knife and cut me right on my jugular vein and I died instantly.
For those who have seen Inception, it is apparently true that if you die in a first-stage dream, you wake up.
And when I did wake up, my neck hurt really badly right where the cut wound had been in my dream.
I also remember before that in the dream, the boy and I were standing in a theater and I was hugging him and I told him that I liked him and he said "that's the point. you're supposed to...that way you can truly hate me later"
It's really rare I remember actual dialogue from a dream so I've been over analyzing it all day now.

Oh and according to a dream analyzer, my dream means that all this time I've been running from something in order to not get emotionally hurt and now, something is blocking me from running anymore so I turned to face my fears but they overcame me.
So apparently....I take it as I can't let anything, in reality, get in my way of running (although running away from your problems is super unhealthy, I know)
cause if I stop, a cute boy is going to come and kill me.
Which I've heard it even more unhealthy.

But anyway, moving on with my day.
I woke up about 9 and cleaned up the house a bit and got dressed to go meet with Cody (I had hoped it would rather soon in the day).
I worked on a skirt for awhile only to realize that I needed to run to the store to buy a zipper...which, for the record, I didn't do.
I went to my G-ma's instead and visited with her for a few hours.
then came home and got ready for color guard practice.
Since I couldn't see Cody before practice, we made plans to see each other after practice which, thanks to lack of communication, never happened.

So my day basically fell apart and I'm exhausted and moody and am in one of those moods that every song lyric I hear applies to my life right now.

oh well.
My last week of summer and I've realized that everything I wanted to do this week, I have no time for.
Friday it's back to school.
I still have an English paper and a skirt to get done this week.
And possibly get some some thrifting time in and school supplies.

So yep!
That's the run down as of now.
I really need sleep.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

you eat the wolves or they'll eat you

Honestly, not much has changed since my last blog post.
I got my Ipod back today (I'm not sure if I ever reported it missing to the blog world but my friend Cody had it from where I accidentally left it in his car from Sunday)
so now I'm blocking out the world for the evening and enjoying the thunderstorm and my music.

As I was laying on my parents' bed watching the storm, I remembered something I thought up a long while ago and have yet to get the opportunity to go through with.
So I'm making it my goal to get it in sometime next week, before schools starts.
I want to have a "favorite" day.
wear my favorite outfit, listen to my favorite band, hang out with my favorite people, go to my favorite places, eat my favorite things, etc.
I think it'd be really nice! Although I don't like the idea of putting that much pressure on a day because if something went wrong, I'd be devastated. Haha
Oh well.

It's going to happen and it's going to be grand.
I'll post pictures and tell you stories of how my day went after it happens!
Excitement is bulding ^-^

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Things Are Looking Up! & Down...And All Around.

So for starters, I have a little over a week until my senior year starts!
I'm excited and more than ready to get this over with.
Everyone is talking about how scared they are and how they wish they could go back to freshman year more than anything...I guess I just don't see it.
I'm ready for this high school chapter of my life to be over with and start onto something new.
Reality kicking in.
It's rather insane to think about. That I won't have the hallways of the high school directing me which way to turn anymore.
And yes, I guess I will admit that I am rather scared myself but excitement definitely overplays my fear.
I hope I can call California my home this time next year. I hope I can call myself a student of the biggest private art schools in America. I hope...that life is as amazing as I imagine it to be!

But for now,
I'm not minding Blairsville too much. Although several people who meant the world to me have recently walked out, new people have come in already to fill their gaps.
And I'm starting to feel the freedom of almost being a legal adult. Like being allowed to travel to the Scream It Like You Mean It show with my friend and get home at 2:30am.
It's nice to finally be making my own decisions and feel myself growing into becoming my own person.

I still have guard/band camp for 3 more days and then I'll be done with that...FOREVER!
This season is going to be pretty awesome and I'm diggin' being an officer and all that good jazz.

Oh I'm also venturing back into my hardcore music liking stage.
I haven't been into this stuff since like 8th grade so listening to it makes me rather nostalgic.

My train of thought just flew off the tracks.
So I suppose this is where I end my blog and go get some food.
I've been craving bananas all day.