Tuesday, August 10, 2010

oh doubters...let's go down, down to the river to pray

a friend asked me a few days ago if I had ever been criticized for my religious beliefs or if anyone had ever tried to convert me...all that jazz.
I told him no. My best friend of 7 years is a devoted Christian and there is about 5 different religious beliefs streaming through my family.
We all accept and love each other regardless of our beliefs.

But the more I thought about it...the more I realized I, unintentionally, lied to said friend.
In all honesty, I've never felt worse for my beliefs than I do in this time period.
I constantly feel like I'm somewhat letting down a new friend of mine because I don't understand Christianity.
And I also feel like I make yet another friend totally uncomfortable by attempting to understand Mormonism.

I know it may be silly and I do feel like I'm being much too hard on myself...I mean, we can't please everyone and Buddhism clearly states that you have to be happy with yourself before anyone else will be.

I can't really explain how I feel. My mind is jumbled up at the moment. I was hoping that mentioning it to my blog that my mind would start to work itself out but so far, no such luck.

I really just feel like I'm down in some deep hole with my arms outstretched hoping someone will come along and pull me out. But instead, there is just a lot of people standing around the perimeter of the hole laughing.

But I do realize that I /am/ being far too hard on myself.

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