Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The flaws of people.

are never-ending.
please, don't take for granted the fact that I'm "always there".
I go out of my way all of the time to prove to people
that I care for them.
But, of course, then they can't even be bothered to reply to my text or possibly say "hi" to me first for once.

I know I'm making a mountain out of an...ant hill?
I don't know that saying
but I know this isn't a big deal at all.

But right now, all I want is for someone to go out of their way to see me
or to be there when I just need someone to talk to.
For once, I want someone to be as interested in me as I am in them.
Oh, by the way, this whole blog is dedicated to complaining about boys. I have plenty of girl friends who are always there for me.

I miss not having to explain myself.
I want someone to take the time to learn me inside and out.

I'm so irritated. I dislike humans all over right now.
I just need a hug and to go to sleep.

Friday, July 24, 2009

never say never.

don't shout it either.

I'm sick of saying "someday I'll do this..."
"I promise I'll become this..."
"One day, I'll show you all when..."
I want to do it now, I want to become now, I want to show you all my full potential now.

My mind works faster than I can.
and those of you who have been around me this summer, know that I haven't sat still for more than a minute.
I want do more! I want to reach my dreams now!
I don't want to wait
but I'm doing everything I can and I still feel like I'm paddling upstream.
I am 100% worn out.
I'm constantly tripping over my mind and my body just wants to stop and catch its breath but my mind is just getting started.

I think right now I really would like a relationship.
I miss the security of one. The whole having someone who is there to call "mine"
that I can call up at 4 in the morning because I've had a bad dream.
I miss having somewhere there who will listen for hours about some crazy idea I came up with.
I'm ready to dive head first into a relationship for the first time ever.
My previous one opened my eyes up to a lot and I do admit, I could of done more.
In that sense, I mean I could of put more effort into the relationship itself.
I'm not by any means one of those girls who is like "eehhhh I need a boyfriend!"
I'm just saying, if a boy who struck up my interest came along, I wouldn't mind pursuing the idea.

I need a right hand man.
My creativity thrives when I have someone to spill my heart to.
Be my muse, please :]!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

You know I love you.

Everyone has a giant write up about how wonderfully amazing their friends are and I don't think that I do.
So here, my dear friends, this is for you.

For those of you who have been in my life for several years:
I've grown up with you guys in this tiny town and somehow, we've managed to become so different from each other.
Over the years, we've had our times when we drift apart from each other and other times when each other is all we have to rely on .
You guys have all had such a major and positive impact on my life and the direction I'm heading right now.
I can never thank you guys enough for your infinite support and endless nights of listening to me cry over who knows what.
We're stuck with each other with the next 2 years, there isn't any denying that.
After that, I hope I still keep you amazing people in my life.

For those of who who I have just recently met:
There is 3 of you, actually.
Skye, Josh, and Jonathan.
I met you guys at some an amazing time in my life and you haven't failed at keeping it just as amazing.
You've inspired me so much in the little time that I've known you. You're all amazing people with even more amazing minds. I love your creativity and spunk and your joy of just living.
You guys are directing me down a new path that I probably wouldn't of ever had the courage to travel on my own.
Skye especially. You're a strong, creative person who I've been overjoyed to get the chance to finally know!
When we put our minds together, amazing things come to be. Things the whole world can see (SUMMERFEST!)
I hope you never venture far from me because you've become the other half of my brain.
I can trust you with everything and that's really rare to find these days.
Heck, people like you in general are hard to find these days.
I could write an entire love letter to you, ma'am.
And I totally will someday when I'm not distracted by pretty tattooed ladies.

I love each and everyone one of you.
I love everything you bring into my life!
You guys are my friends through thick and thin and nothing is ever going to change that :]!
If you ever need me, be it day or night,
you guys are all permitted to call me!

Saturday, July 18, 2009

This isn't an art, it's a trend

Which, in my opinion, art should never become.

I mean,
I understand we all love art and all want to express ourselves,
but not when your art looks exactly like someone else's...
*clearsthroat* mine.

No one steals my thunder;
I'm taking over this town and turning it upside down.
Me, Starship Clothing.

I may be a tiny bit jealous,
I may be a tiny bit mad.
I don't know what emotion I have right now.

I see this as a new drive to work twice as hard.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

I'm starting a revolution.

and it will be made of kids who have ever felt alone
or like they weren't good enough for someone
or have had to change themselves in even the tiniest aspect to keep a friend around.

Will be a revolution
in which everyone is good enough for everyone
and we can all just talk out our problems and be true friends to each other.

I'm just as guilty as the next person of talking behind someone's back.
But I'm also a victim of not being good enough to be someone's friend.

we're drawn to people who we have similar interests to, but why does that mean we
have to constantly patronize those who we don't have similar interests to?
We can at least be civil to each other and not go out of our ways to leave people out of our plans.

My revolution,
will be filled with kids who smile at everyone they pass
and will lend a helping hand to a perfect stranger.
We will be the kids who will befriend the "loser" of the school,
and show everyone their inner beauty.

Myself, I want to become part of the revolution.
And since we're supposed to be the change we want to see in the world,
I'm going to work toward actually keeping my word.
There is no need to down-talk someone just because I don't agree with their actions or their beliefs.

In my revolution,
we will be the kids who don't mind that I'm living in a fantasy world.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

August 1, 2007

Everyone always talks about finding their "soul mate"
and how everyone has someone they're destined to be with.
How are we supposed to ensure we don't accidentally pass that person by?
How do we know that we didn't look the other way when we passed them on the street
or were at home sick when we got invited to some party that we would meet at?

Everyone says you're just supposed to hope or that you're drawn to meet them by fate.
But hope isn't good enough for me.

What if your soul mate is a few years too old for you
or has eyes for someone else
or think you're out of his league
or just isn't interested in something long term?
what if your soul gets in a fatal accident before you ever get a chance to meet them?

then what...?
are we just supposed to wait around for that person to come forever
or settle for something less?

I, for one, would like something a bit more stable to hope on.
I'm pretty determined to find my soul mate someday cause I don't want to just settle for meritocracy.

And I think, half subconsciously,
we all have hopes to become famous so that we have a better chance of our soul mates to take notice of us ^-^
I know that sounds like a pretty appealing fantasy to me.

I wish a neon sign went off overhead when you walked pass them
or when you met them.

I'm sixteen. I know I'm probably far from meeting my soul mate..
I just like to think about things

Monday, July 6, 2009


everyone goes through phases
and everyone knows they do.
I realized a minute ago, I seem to be embarking into
a new phase.
So why not post a blog about it?
I mean, I do every time I feel like rekindling my love with peace and serenity.

I'm still lazy and still procrastinating on my homework.
I have wasted the past 2 hours listening to indie bands that are all good, but are also all starting to sound the same.

The other day, I got called up by a person who used to mean a lot to me;
a person I wish still did mean a lot to me.
He told me that I seem to have turned my back on everything and I have a certain "hardness" to me now.
Nothing had been making sense to me lately but that comment turned everything around in my mind.
I realized I had.
I didn't care about what I said or if I kept in contact with friends.
And I no longer smiled just because the sun was shining.

So, yet again,
I wanted to change my mindset.
Because obviously...it needed to be changed.

I realized that before March/April,
I didn't know actual hatred. I had never shook from anger before.
No one had ever betrayed me so badly that I couldn't even think of words to describe them.
And once hate had entered my mind at all, I did become a bit harder and a bit stronger.
I did get in my mind that I didn't need anyone else and I was just going to get hurt again if I let anyone into my thoughts.

Maybe the outside of me wasn't as extreme
as the inside of me felt...
but apparently, the person who commented on my hardness, was a person who knew me inside and out.

I wonder what it'd be like to be happy with everything; make due with what I have; do kind deeds just because; smile the second I wake up; love everyone and everything.
I know it's possible cause I've seen it done before.
My friend Skye seems to of accomplished this.
And part of my new "phase" I feel like I'm going into is because of her.
I think she's magnificent!
And I'm not just saying that because I have a feeling she'll read this, it's the truth.

I think people get so caught up in the 21st century hustle, they forget to just breath sometimes.

and I just noticed, I wrote this blog trying to sound like Kylewilliam's song In Limbo Where Your Secrets Are Safe With Me
cause I just listened to it and I thought it was a really awesome song/speech thing.

My mind is spinning and my thoughts haven't settled yet.
If this didn't make sense, please don't point it out to me.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Might I just say...

and even if I might not, I will anyway.

I wish people would use their heads.
You are not in love after knowing someone for a week;
it's called lust.
Nothing more.

I hate this sex obsessed generation.
I hate brainless people in general.

That's not why I'm here posting this blog.
Being in Ohio, I've had to explain my morals a trillion times
and pretty much everyone who I've talked to abou them have said they're dumb.
I expect that and whatever your opinions are,
you're welcome to have them!

I'm sick of explaining them
and forcing people to respect them.

I'm pretty sure I've decided (and it may be just because of how angry I am about people right now that I think this)
but the only guys worth getting "close" to
are the ones who I don't have to explain my morals and boundarie to.
A guy who doesn't even need to know about my purity ring;
one who just generally respects girls
and doesn't have to "learn to accept" my beliefs.

I don't know.
I'm mad, I'm going outside.
3 more days in Ohio...or is it 4?
I don't remember now.