Monday, July 6, 2009
everyone goes through phases
and everyone knows they do.
I realized a minute ago, I seem to be embarking into
a new phase.
So why not post a blog about it?
I mean, I do every time I feel like rekindling my love with peace and serenity.
I'm still lazy and still procrastinating on my homework.
I have wasted the past 2 hours listening to indie bands that are all good, but are also all starting to sound the same.
The other day, I got called up by a person who used to mean a lot to me;
a person I wish still did mean a lot to me.
He told me that I seem to have turned my back on everything and I have a certain "hardness" to me now.
Nothing had been making sense to me lately but that comment turned everything around in my mind.
I realized I had.
I didn't care about what I said or if I kept in contact with friends.
And I no longer smiled just because the sun was shining.
So, yet again,
I wanted to change my mindset.
Because obviously...it needed to be changed.
I realized that before March/April,
I didn't know actual hatred. I had never shook from anger before.
No one had ever betrayed me so badly that I couldn't even think of words to describe them.
And once hate had entered my mind at all, I did become a bit harder and a bit stronger.
I did get in my mind that I didn't need anyone else and I was just going to get hurt again if I let anyone into my thoughts.
Maybe the outside of me wasn't as extreme
as the inside of me felt...
but apparently, the person who commented on my hardness, was a person who knew me inside and out.
I wonder what it'd be like to be happy with everything; make due with what I have; do kind deeds just because; smile the second I wake up; love everyone and everything.
I know it's possible cause I've seen it done before.
My friend Skye seems to of accomplished this.
And part of my new "phase" I feel like I'm going into is because of her.
I think she's magnificent!
And I'm not just saying that because I have a feeling she'll read this, it's the truth.
I think people get so caught up in the 21st century hustle, they forget to just breath sometimes.
and I just noticed, I wrote this blog trying to sound like Kylewilliam's song In Limbo Where Your Secrets Are Safe With Me
cause I just listened to it and I thought it was a really awesome song/speech thing.
My mind is spinning and my thoughts haven't settled yet.
If this didn't make sense, please don't point it out to me.