Monday, November 30, 2009
a topic I've been apart of the majority of my life.
The giggles when I walk by, the "OMG what is she WEARing!?", the blank stares, the flat out rude remarks...all of it. Been there, done that.
You'd think by now I'd be use to it. I mean, hey, it's my fault anyway right? If I don't want the attention, don't draw the attention to yourself.
Yeah, no thanks.
I dress the way I do and do the things I do because that's what makes me happy. I don't do it for attention or to give some low-life an opportunity to use me as a personal punching bag.
Teen Vogue has even turned to helping teenagers cope with damaging effects of bullying. I thought it was pretty cool that they took up a few pages to speak out against mean girls and how that's not cool in the slightest. So much of media shows girls that nothing is wrong with it and it's cool to be mean. Maybe Teen Vogue will help get the message across. If only there was some way I could get the message across to teenage boys as well.
I absolutely cannot stand how people treat each other sometimes!
Despite what we look like, we're all people. We all have feelings and all get those feelings hurt occasionally.
According to the article, teen suicide is on rise yet again. With further investigation into these suicide cases, there has been a trend of cyber-bullying and name calling and friends stabbing each other in the back.
Nothing gets under my skin more than mean people!
Like...ugh. Just think about it.
You take your nasty opinion, wad it up, and throw it at someone. For you, the deed is done.
For them, however, that opinion is going to cling to them and run in their minds over and over. People like me, that hurt isn't going to show very easily. They're going to wipe it off and keep smiling their way throughout the day.
But there is only so much wiping off that can be done. Eventually, it's going to cling. It's going to pop up in the back of their minds at random.
I don't know...
I just cannot understand why people treat each other like this!
Stuff like that hurts and no one seems to care! Life is just a giant cat fight for some people. Clawing their way to the top, trampling anyone who is standing nearby.
People are getting meaner and less caring all around. In my eyes anyway.
But I ask,
what if we all just stopped and thought about the cruelest thing we've said to or about someone. Think about what it was said to begin with or why you felt it was important?
From there, maybe we can make a change. Make people think twice before they spit something hurtful out.
Yeah, opinions matter and I know not everyone is going to agree...but why does that mean that people who disagree have to be thrown down like ragdolls?
People are people.
Regardless of sex, age, heritage, sexual orientation, style of dress, choice of music, or whatever else you can think of!
We all share some common ground somewhere. I'm sure if you gave more people a chance, you'd see that everyone has some beauty about them.
People are quirky!
And that's what makes us interesting.
So shut up and smile :]
Just be nice.
words to live by, I must say!
Friday, November 27, 2009
recently, I've been watching lots of photography shows.
Now I understand why people fall so in love with the art of photography...it's grand!
although I don't think I could ever conquer it.
but, I was watching this adorable couple where the boy was a photographer and the girl was just kinda a socialite.
They were equally as well-known because his shots were shown all over the world and she was his main model. It was cute :]
So, with that said, I wanna date a photographer, please :P!
I'm still sick.
I think I have the flu, honestly.
I'm spending the day on the computer trying to find "inspiration" for my pottery scrapbook. Not all that easy.
I also have an anatomy project due soon but I think I'm probably going to put that off till like Sunday afternoon. Great plan, I know.
I've kinda given up on people in Blairsville. I love the place, just not the people.
(except for the select few who I love and they know who they are already)
I need a change of scenery. A change of style. Change of well...everything!
And I want hair like this :]
Saturday, November 21, 2009
I typically hate doing this but, hey, when I gotta blog, I gotta blog.
I am a teenager.
I hate when people use that as an excuse for stupidity but I'm currently going to do that.
I don't think things through fully and I forget a lot.
Like making plans and then making plans on top of those plans. I do that..a lot.
And I never mean to. Both of the plans are super important to me, always, I just never put 2 and 2 together and realize I can be in two places at once.
I'm all over the place.
I am a bit reckless with others' feelings something. I think that comes from the fact that I'm not sensitive to some of the things that most other people are.
I apologize. It's just how I am and I don't mean to be.
I'm a bit careless sometimes.
I am ready 2 hours early.
I didn't have another name for this blog sooo the date will just have to do.
I'm in a list making mood!
Topic of today's list: Things that are currently undergoing change
1. My hair (It's going back to brown ASAP!)
2. School...I really needa kick things up a notch and so far, I'm doing a pretty good job at that
3.Relationship status. I'm single, as everyone knows by now. Which, hey, we didn't even make it to two months but just moving on from that in general is a huge change. When you have a huge crush on someone for nearly 6 months, it's weird to then just stop thinking about them completely. *shrug*
4. musical tastes.
5. anxious-ness! that's not really different at all for me but it's starting to pile up and become almost unbearable! I want something new to drive past every day and new people to hang out with on the weekends.
6. new people/friends. the second half of my number 5 is partially coming true. I'm getting a lot of new friends all at once. New people, specially in great numbers, always makes me dizzy! so many new things come with new people!
hmmm I guess that's about it right now.
just all of this coming at once is like WHOaH! hey there
my stomach hurts and I have "date" tonight. Not really sure if HE considers a date, that's why I use quotations.
In all honesty, I'm nervous ^-^
Thursday, November 19, 2009
I love the name Starship! buuuuut I'm kinda sick of people saying
"z000mG! do you know that there is a porn store in Atlanta named Starship?"
So I think I'm finally going to suck it up and just change the name.
That I'm not sure of.
I'm currently leaning toward Gamebox!
Cute, short, annnnd retro-ish sounding (gameboys...ya know?)
I'm not set on that or anything sooo if you have an cute name, throw it at me!
I kinda wanted something that would go in front of Couture and sound cool but I haven't thought of anything yet *shrug*
The name has to resemble the clothes I make, of course.
Sooooo think of how I dress and what would be a good name for the kinda style.
KAY GO! :P!
ooooor I'll just stick with Gamebox.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
for the first time in close to two months, I am legitimately happy!
So I felt the need to post a blog marking this day :]!
well, actually, this happiness came back yesterday buuuuut I was busy cleaning my room and making other tiny improvements in my life yesterday.
But today, today let the records show, I am happy!
No more insecurity.
No more awkward silences.
No more jealousy.
No more staying up late wondering about pointless sad things.
No more jumping every time I get a text message only to be let down that it wasn't the one I was waiting all day for.
No more coming up with lame excuses to make myself feel better.
No more of any of that
Please don't let me do that again.
"I always tell myself I'll know next time but I still waste my time on you"
Monday, November 16, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
sooo I've become rather antisocial lately.
not so much with acquaintances but when it comes to close friends, I'm preferring to be alone.
Not entirely sure why. I mean, of course, I love my friends!
but something about lately makes me feel like I'm looking for something.
maybe something entirely new and in a completely different direction than the way I've been looking.
Like I said, not sure.
But hopefully, once I find it, things will go back to normal.
Or at least, I can only hope that things will
Saturday, November 14, 2009
and with that, that's the end of that.
The abrupt ending that no one, not even I, saw coming.
But oh well, I suppose that I am done with that
and that's all I can do about that.
I just want to say thank you to those of you who stick by me through everything.
Those that, even though they disagreed with the needless length of my unhappiness, they took the time out of their days to try and cheer me up even in the slightest bit.
Thank you especially to those who, no questions asked, knew that I needed them and called me right away and listened to me cry and complain for hours on end (well, there is really only one person who did this but I'll use "them" regardless).
Oh, even thank you to those who simply smiled at me in the hall, not knowing that anything was going on but that I just looked to be "not as happy as usual".
Every effort made me feel better
and at this point, all I can do is convince myself that I'm right for doing what I did.
I'm off to get ready for Fall Ball soon.
I'm going datelessly buuut I don't mind...I don't think I've ever had a date to a dance and I've always had tons of fun! Tonight won't be any different!
First year of driving myself
and not having to run outside every 2 seconds after 10:30 to see if my mom is there yet or not.
(I love stealing Skye's words)
It's songs like this one that makes me think of what Anthony once said: "why do all of your favorite songs talk about a lifestyle you're completely against?"
I still cannot answer him. Buuuuut this song is my current number one!
(oh yeah...I don't know what's up with the video either. It's the only one I could find that wasn't from a live show though)
OH! This song too :]
I jam to this when driving down the road. However, I switch around a few words in the chorus XD
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Hur we GO!
I'm not sure my prompt yet because I've been sewing and haven't looked for a prompt I want to use yet but I know what I want to say...basically.
I am a fashion designer. Not just behind the sewing machine but at heart and mind as well. I see the world through eyes of fashion. My dream [is] to make everyone in the world look fabulous and feel amazing about themselves in their own skin - not just to to create "the look" and dump everyone into the mold.
-and then skip around a bunch and get onto my personality traits.-
every piece of work I create, a little piece of my personality captures itself among the stitches. My clothing [has] zest and originality! No two pieces are exactly alike and I intend to keep my designs permanently that way.
Hmmm that's all I have so far.
I'm probably going to look into Parsons School of Design's prompt. I can probably find one there about fashion.
I did find a cool one that just said "Tell us about yourself"
Buuuuut I would like it to be more art targeted.
Oh! the bracketed words are passive voices that I can't have in my final copy :P!
Sunday, November 8, 2009
things have been changing lately.
my relationships with people, my outlook, my priorities, and y'know just everything in general.
and I've been failing to realize that, hey, things are just different not necessarily bad.
So I shall adapt to my new environments and suck it up and deal with it ^-^
because it's true that things aren't bad, just different than what I'm used to.
ohh Allison, you always get how I'm feeling.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
I'm actually not feeling down today at all.
I'm finally starting to get used to the combination of everything different life is currently throwing my way.
I got too in touch with reality recently. Times like that suck. Haha!
I get so overwhelmed by everything because it's all I ever think about.
I just need to stay up in my own mind-world where things are safe
"Its ok to get down sometimes. We are human. No one has a perfect life. If your feelin sad, unmotivated or depressed. Thats ok.. it is good to feel. If you feel nothing then you have a problem. Everytime your down you always get back up again. Without the bad there is no good. Without the ups there is no down. I personally think when im having down days they motivate me more then anything. You need to look at your life and figure out why your feeling that way. Once you figure it out, your golden!"
Sunday, November 1, 2009
I feel very threatened by everyone and everything lately.
Good for self esteem? Not even in the slightest.
And that's been causing people to cock their heads in confusion when I get bummed out at random sarcastic remarks they throw at me - stuff like that never used to bother me.
So why the all of a sudden change?
Well, the best reason I can come up with is that I'm no longer doing anything productive and rewarding in my own personal affairs.
Every second of my day is either taken up by color guard, homework, family, or sleep.
Actually, I should be finishing up The Great Gatsby and doing definitions for anatomy right now but, obviously, I am doing neither.
My self esteem used to come from me being able to be successful in my hobbies and loving what I did with my spare time. It came from the fact that I could completely indulge myself in something that had nothing to do with anyone but myself and I could be confident with everything I did.
But hey, not now.
Now I'm caught up in trying to understand words like sarcoplasmic reticulum and forcing myself to remember what they mean; which, by the way, sarcoplasmic reticulm is an irregular curtain around muscle fibrils...just saying :]
I DON'T CARE ABOUT MUSCLE FIBRILS!
I DON'T WANNA TAKE THE SAT/ACT!
I don't wanna worry about my future, I just want to have it right now.
And on top of all of that, I'm still desperately trying to hold on to the things I love most - friends, family, boyfriend, sewing -
but, in the long run, I'm just being awkward and treating them like crap because everything I say and do is completely forced these days.
I WANT MY LIFE BACK!
School is driving me insane :[