Sunday, September 27, 2009

every few months or so

I like to post one blog that basically sums up how amazing my life actually is.
As everyone knows, I blog when I'm down. When the tiniest thing is bothering me, I blog so I can get it out in the open before it consumes me.
But I'm almost always happy!
I love my life :] It's amazing! And I don't want to look back on all of my negative blogs and only remember those times.

So here you go - a list of how wonderful my life is (it has to be list form cause there is too many) :

- I am finally dating the most insanely amazing boy I've met :] He's the boy I'm going to be incredibly foolish with (since everyone and everything seems to think that's a good idea). I gave him a clean slate and am determined to not be my timid weird self around him. He's been in my life for a relatively short time but I already trust him with a lot and am glad that I feel as though I can.
We're just getting started, ladies and gents

-I feel even more involved with my morals. As I'm growing up, moral decisions are put to the test even more. Not even just with sex and drugs, but with choices in general. My moral drive plays a major part in my life and I am entirely gracious that I have friends, family, and a boyfriend who support that decision of mine to the max!

-School is very challenging. As much as I complain about it, I like the challenge. I'm constantly overwhelmed but, in the end, I think it's good for me. I needed a challenge

-Colleges keep having interest in me and I haven't even submitted SAT or ACT scores yet

-I'm currently going through a "growing" period. I've been faced with a lot of rough times...well, rough for me cause I'm a pansy. I've learned to be careful with who I trust to the fullest.

-My outlook on everything has changed a lot in some aspects. As I said already, I'm giving the whole "being foolishly compassionate" thing a shot.

-I'm still really big into Buddhism. It's wonderful!! This is the longest I've had a steady interest in something :]!

-Love is my current obsession

-I have a ton of ideas for tattoos. ONLY 2 MORE YEARS till those ideas can be put into action

-I've accepted the fact that I may be a tiny bit insane

-I've matured and calmed down quite a bit. But I'm still a complete and total spazz and laugh at the tiniest thing

-I like getting out of the house a bit more now. I'm finally possibly leaving the nest a tiny bit. It's a strange experience all in all.

I love my life! And I don't ever want to forget how much fun I'm having.
How much fun I'm going to be having for the rest of my life.
I never want to lose my spunk
and I know I've been scared that I'm going to mature and become dull for as long as I can remember
buuuut I really don't see that happening

Farrah has gotten me into this really amazing band :] I can't stop listening to them!

All you need is love :]

I believe that more and more each day.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Maybe this will get the point across.

I don't care who you are, what you believe in, if you agree with my morals,
what your past has consisted of, if you like the same music as me, or whatever else you could possibly think of.

I choose my friends/boyfriend because of what we have in common.
No matter what it may be
if being around you makes me happy, I'm hooked.

Be yourself!
I don't want to date or be friends with me. Diversity in the friend group is what keeps everything interesting.

Just whatever you do,
do not lie to me.
I cannot handle any more lies that I have to then find out the truth from other people. I don't know who to believe anymore. I don't know who actually has my back and who is just temporarily along for the ride.
Currently, I don't feel like I can trust anyone. And for those who know me very well, know that I'm usually open about everything because I have a lot of trust in EVERYONE.

Do not lie to me.
Don't lie to me.
Be honest with me.
Don't be fake.
Please, do not lie to me.
Please Please Please
Do. Not. Lie. To. Me.

I'm officially closing up to anyone I find has lied to me. I won't kick them out of my life completely (although it might be in my best interest)
but you most definitely will not get more than a "what's up?" from me.
I'm SOOOOOO sick of "he said, she said, that you did, but now you say you didn't. Are you saying that he is lying about what she said you said?"
Screw it.
I hate it, I'm over it.
Just stop. Please.


Sometimes other people use my words better than I ever could

"Laugh out loud. Cry in the rain. Love with all your heart and soul. Get hurt. Tell the truth. Go crazy. But never forget that you only get one shot. One shot at this day, one shot at this minute. One shot at this age. One shot at life. So make ...sure your life is one you will enjoy watching in your final moments"
-Anna Floyd

I really like this quote :]

it's the Art Feeds quote that I've been in love with for awhile
"Give Generously. Love Naively. Be Foolishly Compassionate. "

Everyone is all about being foolish and expecting to get hurt every now and then.
worth a shot. Being timid isn't getting me anywhere I want to be

Monday, September 21, 2009

My Dearest Sun,

How have you been lately?
I haven't heard from you in several days and I'm beginning to worry I'll never see you again. You have a terrible habit of running off without a single warning or set date of when you might return.
I don't think you realize how much I need you and miss you. It's hard to be with you 12 hours a day for weeks on end and then have you just vanish into thin air whenever you feel it appropriate.
I lose my spunk when your absence takes place. I just mope around from place to place like an empty shell of a person.
Rain does me no good. It just ruins my favorite shoes and undoes 30 minutes of hair prep in 2 seconds.
No one can replace you, Sun.
I need you to come back as soon as you can!
Please, at least give me some word on when I might see you again so I have something to hold onto.

Sincerely Yours,


Sunday, September 20, 2009


my to do list includes
smiling at everyone I pass
learning to open my heart and to trust others with it

this is the shortest my to do list has been in awhile
but it's quite possibly the most important

I'm a big ball of optimism

I am defined by my future

Being a teenager, the majority of my life is planned out
by my parents.
Be home by this time,
finish up your chores,
no going out till all of your homework is done,
you know you're not allowed to go there,
the ever famous not exactly liking some friend choices of mine (although that rarely ever happens and I end up agreeing with them after a short while).

Sure, for those of you who know my parents know that they're NO WHERE near as strict as 94% of other parents out there.
And that's not the point.
I love and respect my parents and never go against their wishes.
I'm terrified to leave my home and am not exactly counting down the days eagerly.

But my future plans are my own.
I choose when I come home (or rather, back to my apartment),
I choose what order I want tackle my responsibilities, etc.

I can't wait till my business in the primary thing in my life.
I can sew all the time and just work on by my own rules.
I want to travel all over the world
and be completely broke at least at one point.
I want to live each day on a completely random basis!
Sure, it may be silly and completely unrealistic, but that's how I choose to dream.

I want to change the lives on millions and
wake up smiling just because the sun is shining.

High school gives me no time for this.
It's homework, color guard, sleep, and family time.
I love my life just the way it is, but I'm excited for what tomorrow has in store for me.
I'm always more excited for tomorrow.

I'm stuck between terror and excitement.

I get bummed out when I lose sight of what the future has in store for me.
I get caught up in the silly, lame aspects of this town and let it bring me down.
Which is why I claim that my future defines me.

I want to be to the age where Blairsville becomes a remainder of my roots.
OH! And for those of you who don't know, I plan on getting the outline of Georgia with a heart over Blairsville on my right shoulder.
I honestly do love this place and plan to return here often.
But I'm young and anxious to know and fall in love with some other place.

Band of the month:


Saturday, September 12, 2009

Today is the day

I officially got out of the "rut" I've been in :]

I came out of this whole experience a little bit more irritable at everything than I'd like to be but I think it might be good as well.
I'm stronger against negative people and mean people...I just get irritated and walk away from people like that now.
Sure it bothers me for awhile
but the good
currently outweighs crappy people.

It's staying this way :]!

I got recruited by 23 colleges in the past 2 weeks. I'm sooo excited!

So bye negative people*
I'm surrounding myself with happiness and support.

*& for the record, I'm still open for talking to my friends about problems, of course! I like to help out with my friends and I don't take "negativity" as a temporary down or needing to talk about something. I hope everyone understands that.
I'm just so sick of people who have something bad to say about every one of my ideas, everyone around them, and themselves 24/7.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

It's just how I am

I'm really old fashioned when it comes to relationships and stuff.
I believe boys should always make the first move. I believe they should respect me and hold doors open and offer to pay for things (although I always put up a fight and rarely let them, I still like to offer every now and then).
I believe that we should be a necessity to each other and not just a passing form of eye candy.

I don't initially go out of my way to impress boys. Well, on occasion I do but I don't like to.
I don't really find it being my place to impress them.

I've always heard boys don't like constantly having to make the first move
but, especially when we're not dating, I feel like they should.
I think I'll always feel that way.

Maybe I'm just spoiled in my visions of "love".
I've always had some pretty decent boyfriends. Ones that called me on a daily basis and usually went out their way for me.

I'm not sure the point of this post. I guess I just wanted to insure myself that my standards still exist and are still basically the same.

And as almost everyone knows, I'm really naive and new when it comes to the "typical" relationship stuff.
I blush at the slightest thing, I get really jittery and spazz out often, and I'm just all around bad at being the typical "cute girl".
Maybe that's also why I believe in the old fashioned way.

I am going through an obsession with love.
If it's love related, I'm interested.
Ohhh and because of my obsession, I'm finally interested in Switchfoot. Love Is The Movement is one of my current favorite songs.
Yep yep!

Sunday, September 6, 2009

a positive post!

and I feel as though I do have to label it as such because
I usually only blog when I'm feeling down.

I posted a blog somewhat like this the other day
but I just wanted to make it final
and well-known
that I'm off to try out a new mindset for awhile. The one I'm currently stuck in isn't working out too well.

Thank you to Stephuhknee and Skye for being there through all of my recent crappiness and helping me get myself back on track.
You guys have always and will always mean the world to me :]!

New mindset - day one

Saturday, September 5, 2009

I would like....

Please and thank you :]

Thursday, September 3, 2009

I do believe what I need

is a big ole cold glass of change :]!
Not change like the crappy silver stuff you throw in the bottom of your purse...
but uhm the other kind.

Looking at things through a new perspective sounds good right about now!
I'm not entirely sure what perspective I'm looking at things through right now so maybe change will be easy this time.

Spicing things up is how I roll :]!
Chopping my hair off already opened the door to a small style-change
but I think I might possibly take that further.

I'm in an awesome mood today :D!
*put a pin in it* BOOP! There is it.
Let's keep it this way :]

...I've heard they got their ! back.
viva la Panic! At the Disco

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Yes, I have a "wall"

my guard is up. my trust is limited and I'm paranoid toward every semi new person who is in my life.
Maybe my wall isn't even directed towards "people" just boys...

I've tried to explain it to some boys cause they ask why I am the way I am. But then they get bored halfway through cause it's a much too long explanation sooo I'm just going to write it hear and direct anyone who wants to know to this blog.
No more explaining after this.

My wall was built the beginning of my 8th grade year.
The year I got my first "serious" boyfriend. By serious I mean a boy I actually hung out with outside of school, talked to all the time, and went on "dates" with.
He is the boy I count as my first boyfriend.
He was the opposite of a good influence. He lied to me, fought with me all the time, probably cheated on me (I wouldn't put it past him), and all around manipulated me till I was just all around crappy and mean to everyone cause that's how he wanted me to be.
But hey, I was young, he was cute, and I wanted to impress him.
I changed a lot for that boy and let him into my thoughts and trusted him with my feelings.
Only to have them thrown right back into my face every chance he was given.
So I decided I didn't want to share my inner thoughts with boys anymore.
Most of my wall was built because of this boy.
I'm very timid around boys and I don't trust them fully very easily anymore.

As I was growing up (and still am, of course), I hung out with boys. A lot.
I always heard about how annoyed they were with those constantly flirty and clingy girls.
Naturally, I didn't want to be one of those girls because I enjoyed being "just one of the guys". I got used to every time I was girly and sensitive, I got made fun of by my guy friends.
So that's when I decided I didn't want to be flirty or clingy. It's also when I developed my stupid habit of using sarcasm as a tool to let a boy know I like him.

On top of that,
I've very independent. That's my personality. I don't really think about how my headstrong attitude is affecting some other people.
Which was the main reason I got tossed out of my most recent relationship.

I'm not calm enough to carry on a decent conversation.
I don't accept compliments very well.
I'm always very cautious that boys are just smooth talking me and don't mean anything they're saying.
I act silly so no one knows how weak and scared I truly am.

But in reality, I want my wall to go away.
I want to be the girl that boys actually look at as having interest in...not just the girl who is neat to hang out with sometimes.
I want a boy to have a crush on me for a change; without it just being only the other way around.

I mean, I don't want to become one of those fragile little girls who turn into the damsel in distress...but I'd like to have a tiny bit more of that thrown into my personality.
Just a little.

I like who I am;
I just don't like how closed in within myself I am.
I want to talk to boys about how I feel rather than just leaving them guessing and then getting bored and leaving.

I guess I'm currently just feeling sorry for myself. For multiple reasons.
I currently feel like I could do more and I could be different.
Could try a little harder.

I'm confused and sad and scared and I guess all around vulnerable.
Go ahead. Makes jokes and negative comments about how I can't manage to hold myself together.
That's currently how I want to be portrayed. I'm finally accepting help from people and I'm just hoping someone is actually there willing to help.

Thank you Dakota for my newest musical obsession :]
Your letter and mix tapes (I'll never get used to saying mixed CD)
made my day! Possibly even week!
I wrote your letter today and am currently working on cool knick knacks to clutter up your college desk