Sunday, January 31, 2010

just words.

"the second you are satisfied with your art, is the second you should stop being an artist"

that quote is what is going to get me through this next project and keep me from slamming my head into a desk.
no artist every really really likes their work, right?

Thursday, January 28, 2010

the great punchline.

What do you get when you cross a short tattooed biker Hungarian guy with a properly raised Canadian lady?
Well, the punchline comes along within my entire existence.

I'll be the first to admit,
I am not cut-out to graduate from my 13+ years of schooling and go onto enroll into another 8 years of school.
I am not cut-out for a 9 to 5 job of punching the clock in daily and my biggest decision of the day being where I will eat lunch.
Nope nope nope.
and if it ever becomes my thing, so be it.
That will be the person I someday transform into.

However, I do not know what my long-term run holds for me.
I don't have a giant plan marked down to exact dates of when I'll marry, when I'll have kids, when I'll move to the country side and buy a white picket fence...
Heck, I barely know what I'm doing tomorrow.
And personally, that's the way I prefer it.

I don't know what my future holds.
And you cannot tell me what is in my future either...
Therefore, I'd really appreciate it if people, who think they have everything so figured out, would stop pushing their ideas down my throat.
I make decisions a countless number of times each day. Decisions that I may not learn the outcome of for years.
However, the outcomes I receive, are not for you to decide.

I don't take things too seriously.
I don't care if I end up living out of the back of my car begging for money someday. Whatever path I choose, no matter how many times that changes, I'll be happy.
Above all else, I make myself happy.

No, I don't have everything figured out.
Neither do you.
Yes, I still wander around searching for who I am and who I want to be.
No one else can choose that for me.

I'm sick of people telling me I'm wrong.

Why do I do the things I do?
Because no one ever told me I couldn't.
And I'm sorry if you've ever been criticized for your dreams or for who you truly are.

I'm hardheaded and have been granted tunnel vision.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

you're such a sucker for sweet talker.

I'm well aware that most boys/people make fun of girls for watching the cliche love stories and then wanting to transform their entire lives into that perfect story.
I used to be one of those people to make fun of girls like that
now, deep down, I can't help but think that that is something I actually deserve and I should really stop settling.

I also realized that I cannot watch The Notebook. All that plays through my mind the whole time is
"hey, let's reenact that one scene from the notebook"
"I have no idea what you're talking about...I've never seen it"
"the one where it's raining and the boy spins the girl around and tells her how much he loves her"
I tried to watch The Notebook tonight since there wasn't anything on TV.
but I turned it off and dragged myself in here to write this.

collection of thoughts

First order of business:
I am sick, yet again. I think this about the 6th time I've gotten majorly sick this winter. New record, for sure.
I hope to never top this record either. I'm completely miserable and really wish I could pay someone to play with my hair all day and make me endless amounts of soup. Well, I guess that's what moms are for but for some reason, I've just been hanging out by myself and making my own soup...although Mom keeps offering.
I remember when I was little, I loved being sick because it was the only time my parents would stop arguing. Cause, of course, it's a big deal when little kids get sick. Now, not so much though.
Now being sick consists of Dad slapping his palm to my forehead, proclaiming that I don't have a fever, and then arguing with me non-stop that I'm just faking it to get out of something.
So now I'm just miserable and gaining absolutely nothing from this.
I have too much work to do for this stupidness :[

Second thought:
It is very certain that I have a slight case of separation anxiety. I cannot stand being alone. It also freaks me out to think about becoming distant from people I'm really close to. And it freaks me out even more to know that that happens regularly. I fight endlessly to keep the people I like close to me. Which is why I'm constantly either texting or instant messaging people. I just want to keep everyone close-by...I'm like a little kid trying to carry all her stuffed animals in her arms at one time to keep from having to leave a single one behind.

Yet another:
Yesterday, mom and I went to Micheal's and I was looking around at all the fun house-decorating and DIY stuff they have there.
I got super excited that I don't have much longer till I will have a place of my own to decorate and make completely my own!

that definitely tops my new-house-wishlist!
Ohhh and a housemate, of course! Because, thanks to my separation anxiety that I just told you about, I cannot imagine ever living alone.

Lastly and shortly:
I wish we had an amazing fabric store close by :[
the closest one that I know of is about 2 hours away and not even that great.
I hate that.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

I'm in love and always will be

Dido did a really amazing job at creating a song that has constantly been stuck in my head since I was little.
White Flag pops into my head at the strangest times and then hangs out in there for weeks on end.

side note, I have another letter to no-name! ^-^
it's not supposed to sound sad - just hopeful
These letters to no-name really help me get things off my chest.

Dear no-name,
the problem with you being so dang amazing and lovable and great is that everyone thinks you're so dang amazing and lovable and great.
You say I'm the most amazing and the best girl you've ever met
but,without any REAL assurance (and already having my trust thrown in my face once before), I have very little faith in your words sometimes.
In fact, I have very little faith in my own words. The fact that I've gotten so comfortable with handing my heart to you on a daily basis...I really don't even know how to stop now.
I talk about my future plans with you like they've already happened. Silly promises that have lasted for 4 years thus far.
I only have about 5 more months until I find out if you're sincere about your promises or if you're just another sweet talker.
Please, prove to me that 4 year old promises mean as much to you as they do to me

Tuesday, January 12, 2010


I have recently realized that "failure" isn't in my vocabulary.
I've never even really thought of what would happen if my dreams didn't come true or something didn't go according to plan.
I've just never thought like that.

I'm unsure as to whether or not this mindset is beneficial or not.

Regardless, 12 days into the new year and I'm currently tackling a huge new project for Ichigo!
Keeping myself busy - I feel like I have tunnel vision.

Bring it, 2010

Friday, January 8, 2010

certified people watcher.

I adore people.
Maybe not so much the trashy, common people I've become accustomed to that seem to flourish Blairsville.
But the people who live in run down city apartments or don't really have a place to call their own - the type of people who are actually living and have nothing handed to them.
the ones who manage to make ends meet with mere happiness being alive and the excitement of the unknown.
Those are the type of people I adore.
People with minds and brains unlike most.
And I would give anything for my mind to work like theirs...if any for a little while.

I want to be able to construct beautiful sentences and metaphors with just opening of my mouth.
Have everyone sitting on the edge of their seats just waiting for what my next move is going to be.
Maybe it doesn't come as easily for them either but they make it look so easy I could explode with envy.

"Please contact me IMMEDIATELY if you are.....between the ages of 19-24, also between 6 foot and 6-2 inches with tangled black hair and European mannerisms. long black shoes, maybe some facial hair, piercing eyes, artistic mind, self supporting, retro mother f*** who just wants to fall in love.....ehem....
Please contact me.... at 1-800 you have my heart "

--From a random boy on Lookbook.
For some reason, I just found that little tid bit more interesting than I possibly should of C:

Sunday, January 3, 2010

So I think I finally have my "goals of 2010" together

This year, I have full intentions of:

-coming up with a name for my clothing company. Starhip is out since there is a porn store named that in Atlanta. Ichigo is out because no one seems to be able to pronounce it and there is already a photography site out on Ducktown with that name.

-dye my hair this color:

this time, I'm doing it myself so it comes out actually the color I want it to. No more spending $93 on some lady who smells like cigarettes and completely ignores my hair-color requests.
January 16, 2k10, this hair shall be mine :D ohhh I'm so terribly excited!!

-be incredibly picky with my standards. especially when it comes to boys.
this going to be super hard since I usually hand out chances to everyone who passes by.

-not cuss. ever.
I mean, I rarely did already anyway cept when I was being funny or something was really bothering me. But not anymore!

-do something productive each and every day

-follow my religion better. It's honestly really strange for me to have "guidelines" kind of because I've never had a real religion before last year.
also, a major thing that is going to take a lot of getting used to

-be more carefree!! I want to make more plans and actually go through with them.
I don't want to come home everyday and sit around. I need to loosen up when it comes to doing stuff

I think that's all C:

Friday, January 1, 2010


So first off, I'd like to welcome 2010 into my life with open arms!
I realized this is my last full year at home.
Fall of 2011, I'm off to the dorm-life with, hopefully, my two amazing friends!
(Carls and Stephuhknee)

so far, I always says 2007 is the greatest year of my life.
Warped Tour
Local shows every weekend
Fun World every Friday night
Constantly meeting new people
Really no real care in the entire world
It was just 'mazing!
However, 2007 was officially 3 years's time I get a new favorite year
and well, 2010 seems like a good one to make my new favorite!
So, come, make plans with me, be silly with me, inspire me, fall in love with me, WHATEVER :D
let's just make it grand and pack so much into it, we forget half of it :P

Oh, for some reason, it was a big deal to me what the first song I listened to in 2010. I put my Ipod on shuffle and the song that came on first was April 18, 2008 by imadethismistake.
HOORAY! *clap* *applause*

oh (x2) this is my current favorite quote:
"Girls are like apples...the best ones are at the top of the trees. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think there is something wrong with them, when, in reality, they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree."

This is for you to dance to C:

Ruki, the lead singer of that band, is the current holder of my heart C:
just sayinn'

I haven't watched Teen Girl Squad in forever