Sunday, November 30, 2008

Ohh December!

So December comes at a good time.
New week, new month!!
It's like a fresh start :]

Cept kind of not.
EOCTs for my classes are coming FAST!
I still have a really low grade in pottery
and I need to work on that.

I'm going to kick it into high gear in the next month.
Studying like crazy, getting all my gifts together for all my friends,
and trying to think of something cool.

I realized I haven't done anything TOO terribly memorable for 2008.
So in the last month, I want to make it an amazing month!
I'm going to blog a lot so I can remember all that is going on
and keep my head screwed on tight.
I don't want to lose sight of things that are really important.
Like family, school, and my career.
2k9 is coming up WAY to fast.
much much too fast!

Off to go take some practice tests
and text Rob-E about going into pottery early with me tomorrow.
Hahh I love him XD

Thursday, November 13, 2008

I don't want to be broken.

Those closest to me have noticed that I'm not myself lately.
I haven't noticed that much but now that that has been brought to my attention, so have a lot of other things.

I am truly not as happy as I was.
I still laugh at everything...but it's weak.
I still smile at people in the halls..but just so I convince myself nothing is wrong.
I cannot blame it on the weather. I know it's deeper than that.
I have never before felt so alone. So out of place and lost.

I've been complaining about this a lot recently.
However, I don't think anyone nor myself have noticed the sincerity.

Subconsciously, I changed myself in hope I wouldn't feel so alone.
With that, I lost what made me happy. I was never one to change for people; as long as I was happy, that was good enough for me.
I need to go back to that. I want my oblivious mind back.

My best friend has been having a lot of problems and in the process of trying to be there, I've put her burdens on my mind. I want to make her happy and I'm spending so much time doing that, I haven't made me happy.
I need to even those out.

I am going to cheer myself up.
I am going to get my spunk and spirit back.
I am going to stop caring what perfect strangers think and go back to loving those closest to me.
I'm going to call my boyfriend and talk things over with him.


Sunday, November 2, 2008

I'm not a writer.

From the moment that I met you, I knew I didn't need you.
I knew you weren't good for me and you'd just cause problems.
I knew that you would use the same lines on me that you use on every girl.
I knew that you were just trying to make her mad with how "happy" you were and that you never truly understood my jokes.
I knew your dirty habits, your horrible reputation, and how every girl in town thought you were the greatest thing ever.
I knew that you never actually liked me, you just wanted to use me.
I knew all this and ,for some reason, I didn't walk away.
From the moment that I met you, I knew I didn't need you
but I wouldn't mind taking a chance.