Thursday, November 13, 2008

I don't want to be broken.

Those closest to me have noticed that I'm not myself lately.
I haven't noticed that much but now that that has been brought to my attention, so have a lot of other things.

I am truly not as happy as I was.
I still laugh at everything...but it's weak.
I still smile at people in the halls..but just so I convince myself nothing is wrong.
I cannot blame it on the weather. I know it's deeper than that.
I have never before felt so alone. So out of place and lost.

I've been complaining about this a lot recently.
However, I don't think anyone nor myself have noticed the sincerity.

Subconsciously, I changed myself in hope I wouldn't feel so alone.
With that, I lost what made me happy. I was never one to change for people; as long as I was happy, that was good enough for me.
I need to go back to that. I want my oblivious mind back.

My best friend has been having a lot of problems and in the process of trying to be there, I've put her burdens on my mind. I want to make her happy and I'm spending so much time doing that, I haven't made me happy.
I need to even those out.

I am going to cheer myself up.
I am going to get my spunk and spirit back.
I am going to stop caring what perfect strangers think and go back to loving those closest to me.
I'm going to call my boyfriend and talk things over with him.


1 comment:

Dakota Floyd said...

I felt the same way all throughout high school. I feel just about the same way this weekend, as all of my friends are gone, but anyway, faking smiles sucks. I did it for four years. Learn from my mistake, and actually talk to someone about stuff that's on your mind.

Anyway, that's my useless advice for the day.