Monday, August 9, 2010
& in limbo, I stopped being alone
I've been listening to old imadethismistake music for weeks now. i love it oh so much
my pug dog can apparently sense that my mood is down in the dumps tonight...
she won't leave my side and if I lay down on the couch, she puts her head next to me and stares at me with her bugged out eyes.
and she's definitely right.
today sucked. to say the least.
I woke up really early because my body was fighting me to go back to sleep.
I had a horrible nightmare last night and woke up about 4:30am shaking and ran upstairs to talk to Dad.
I've had this nightmare before...well part of it.
There has been this guy who is about my age and super cute that shows up in my dreams every now and then. The only downside is that he's chasing me and trying to kill me.
before last night, I've always managed to safely get away but for some reason last night, I decided to stop running and I remember saying "I'm not going anywhere...just do it...I quit."
so he ran up to me with a knife and cut me right on my jugular vein and I died instantly.
For those who have seen Inception, it is apparently true that if you die in a first-stage dream, you wake up.
And when I did wake up, my neck hurt really badly right where the cut wound had been in my dream.
I also remember before that in the dream, the boy and I were standing in a theater and I was hugging him and I told him that I liked him and he said "that's the point. you're supposed to...that way you can truly hate me later"
It's really rare I remember actual dialogue from a dream so I've been over analyzing it all day now.
Oh and according to a dream analyzer, my dream means that all this time I've been running from something in order to not get emotionally hurt and now, something is blocking me from running anymore so I turned to face my fears but they overcame me.
So apparently....I take it as I can't let anything, in reality, get in my way of running (although running away from your problems is super unhealthy, I know)
cause if I stop, a cute boy is going to come and kill me.
Which I've heard it even more unhealthy.
But anyway, moving on with my day.
I woke up about 9 and cleaned up the house a bit and got dressed to go meet with Cody (I had hoped it would rather soon in the day).
I worked on a skirt for awhile only to realize that I needed to run to the store to buy a zipper...which, for the record, I didn't do.
I went to my G-ma's instead and visited with her for a few hours.
then came home and got ready for color guard practice.
Since I couldn't see Cody before practice, we made plans to see each other after practice which, thanks to lack of communication, never happened.
So my day basically fell apart and I'm exhausted and moody and am in one of those moods that every song lyric I hear applies to my life right now.
My last week of summer and I've realized that everything I wanted to do this week, I have no time for.
Friday it's back to school.
I still have an English paper and a skirt to get done this week.
And possibly get some some thrifting time in and school supplies.
That's the run down as of now.
I really need sleep.