Wednesday, August 19, 2009

turn the whole damn state into a place the bible warned us about

(I'm pretty sure the lyrics are actually "plague" not "place" but place fit better for this topic)

I could talk about my feelings, beliefs, and views
till I'm blue in the face.
And I'm pretty sure where people pick up the conclusion that I'm intelligent.
But what it comes to book smarts...
When it comes to book smarts, I've got another thing coming.

I can't ramble on about things that serve no importance to me
and I can't make it sound like I do.
Sooo therefore, my creative writing suffers greatly.

I'm stressed.

I hate when it rains for days.
The clouds make it impossible to see past the mountains and then I get really claustrophobic feeling and forget that there is a world beyond those mountains.
It makes this place seem like it actually matters; by that I mean, all the tiny crappy parts about this town.

I just want out sometimes.

I have never felt this crappy on the second week of school.
I have never ALREADY felt like I'm way in over my head.
But this year, is different.

With all this talk about colleges and my future, I feel like I'm leaving tomorrow.
I don't even remember my first 2 years of high school. I wish I was still the scared freshman I used to be. But no...2 more years ahead of me till I'm on my own.
Free to make my own decisions and my own mistakes.
I'm excited, honestly! But my fear overwhelms me. I want to pitch a hissy fit and sit down in the middle of everything and refuse to move until I so please.
I'm not ready to start a new chapter in my life because I'm not done with this one.

Farrah and I are changing so much from each other.
Sure, we still have the same core values and stuff but she seems to be heading out into a new journey than me.
I know we'll always be best friends
but I don't want to do everything we had planned by myself.

2 years is 2 years.
Anything can happen in that time.
I'm just overwhelmed right now and am scared out of my mind.
I have seen my parents for a total of 40 minutes in the past week. And when I do get to see them, I'm in a terrible mood and not very un to be around.

I want to step back and take a deep breath,
but I don't have time for breathing right now.

1 comment:

heather. said...

I feel exactly the same way.
About pretty much everything you've mentioned.

This year is just sooo much. Like it's not just that the classes are harder (which they are), but the AB schedule sucks too. I'm not used to having 8 classes of work to worry about at once.

See ya monday. :/