Ringing in the new year

One of the greatest feelings ever.
Even if you're just sitting at home alone watching the ball
drop in Times Square,
you can still feel the entire coast coming together.

Time zone by time zone
they all come together to celebrate their new beginnings.

For just one night
it doesn't matter if someone is standing too close to you
or the guy behind you is talking a cell phone way too loud.

For a few weeks
everyone will be running about
urgently trying to better themselves.
People will join gyms, make treaties with their neighbors, get a job,
stop a bad habit.
Anything they can do to just feel like they are starting over.

But tomorrow
we'll all go back to being annoyed by the same things. All wake up bitter
and ready for the morning commute. We'll wake up
with some hangovers and feeling crappy. We'll roll over and get mad at our alarms.

A few weeks from now
you'll cancel your gym membership and go back to not caring whose feelings you hurt.
you'll go back to your old habits since quitting was inconvenient for you.
You'll be the same person you were last year.

Which makes me sad;which makes me think.
If the entire world can come together at one time, on one day, why must we be so distant
the rest of the year?
Why can't we just truly be amazing people and not have to put it on a list of something to "work on"?
Why do we let silly arguments and other's habits bring us down? Why can't we all live as one?

That's my new year's resolution.
To not have any resolutions for 2010.
I'm going to make it a habit to be a good person, not something I need to work on.

Happy 2k9 everyone! :D

2008...

...kinda sucked.
Of course, it had it's ups and downs.
I wouldn't want to relive it, that's for sure.
But...

I brought in 2008 in the most amazing way.
I was on the ship coming home from Hawaii. Evan, Jase, and I had a dance party
in The Loft till 3 in the morning and then sat in the hallway talking for a long time.
They were some of the chillest people I've ever met in my life
and I still miss them and I still hate the thought that I'll never seen either of them again.

I made color guard!
It's been nice to finally be apart of something that I'm actually kinda good at!
I also met Timmy through color guard...kinda.
I saw him at band practice one day and realized how cute he was ^-^
so from there, I was determined to get to know him XD
Annnnd we've been dating for 3 months now!
I'm good :]
haha

My grandma was hospitalized.
I cried every night for about a week until she finally got to go home.
Timmy was the only person I exactly talked to about how much that hurt and scared
me. And he didn't mind when I cried for hours on the phone and didn't feel like talking.
She's okay now though :]

The summer sucked.
Remember that HUGE list of stuff I wanted to do?
Never did ANY of it!!!!!
Instead, I lost the friend that I made that list with.
We got in a huge fight and have yet to talk. Well...have yet to had
a full on conversation that wasn't highly awkward for me.

I missed Halloween thanks to having a game that night.
I was looking forward to dressing up like a boy and spending the night with my friends.
Ohhhh well.

oh and I got my first kiss this year :DD

There wasn't any good NEW music that came out.
I didn't have a favorite band this year (cept for imadethismistake but they've been around).
Everything sound the same
so I resorted to listening to Nsync and Johny Cash and other weird melodies of strange songs.

I opened Starship with Farrah :D

I got my permit
and a mini van.
I LOVE my van <333

I lost a lot of friends
and I gained a lot of acquaintances.

I've felt lost, confused, alone, and completely ready to give up.
I lost site of why I do the things I do and my morals have been put into
question far to many times.

2008 just wasn't my cup of tea.
I'm looking forward to the end.
I won't miss it a bit.

Change.

I love change just as much as the next person.
If everything were to be the same all the time, naturally, I'd be bored out of my mind.

What most (including myself) don't take into consideration
is there are such things as bad changes.

The type of changes you go through when you're growing up.
The type of changes all of go through and no one can stop.
The changes when kids realized their dreams are completely different from
that of their best friends and they begin to drift apart.
The changes that cause people to feel distant and completely alone.

We all have them. No one can say that haven't ever felt alone
and left out. Awkward and afraid.
It's natural. It's gotta be...
Way more than just a change in classes or how your bedroom is arranged.
A lot deeper than just how the weather outside is or if you are having a bad day.

At some point in your life, changes are involuntary.
One thing you do have control over though, is realizing your changes.
Admitting that you are indeed changing and make them fit your life.
If you still want to be close to the people you were once close with, sit down with
yourself and figure out how to make it work.
Blaming change for losing friends isn't always going to work.

Maybe it's that you have a new boyfriend who is consuming most of your time.
Or maybe you're taking a ridiculously difficult class that keeps you from laid
back friend time.
It might be family troubles or that you just have no idea where you're headed in life.
Get your priorities straight.
Make a list and make sure you stay true to your goals.

Whatever it may be that you're experiencing, the big picture really may not
be that bad. You have the power to become who you want to become.
Don't deny change but don't let it overpower you.

Ohh December!

So December comes at a good time.
New week, new month!!
It's like a fresh start :]

Cept kind of not.
EOCTs for my classes are coming FAST!
I still have a really low grade in pottery
and I need to work on that.
L-A-M-E!

I'm going to kick it into high gear in the next month.
Studying like crazy, getting all my gifts together for all my friends,
and trying to think of something cool.

I realized I haven't done anything TOO terribly memorable for 2008.
So in the last month, I want to make it an amazing month!
I'm going to blog a lot so I can remember all that is going on
and keep my head screwed on tight.
I don't want to lose sight of things that are really important.
Like family, school, and my career.
2k9 is coming up WAY to fast.
much much too fast!

Well!
Off to go take some practice tests
and text Rob-E about going into pottery early with me tomorrow.
Hahh I love him XD

I don't want to be broken.

Those closest to me have noticed that I'm not myself lately.
I haven't noticed that much but now that that has been brought to my attention, so have a lot of other things.

I am truly not as happy as I was.
I still laugh at everything...but it's weak.
I still smile at people in the halls..but just so I convince myself nothing is wrong.
I cannot blame it on the weather. I know it's deeper than that.
I have never before felt so alone. So out of place and lost.

I've been complaining about this a lot recently.
However, I don't think anyone nor myself have noticed the sincerity.

Subconsciously, I changed myself in hope I wouldn't feel so alone.
With that, I lost what made me happy. I was never one to change for people; as long as I was happy, that was good enough for me.
I need to go back to that. I want my oblivious mind back.

My best friend has been having a lot of problems and in the process of trying to be there, I've put her burdens on my mind. I want to make her happy and I'm spending so much time doing that, I haven't made me happy.
I need to even those out.

I am going to cheer myself up.
I am going to get my spunk and spirit back.
I am going to stop caring what perfect strangers think and go back to loving those closest to me.
I'm going to call my boyfriend and talk things over with him.

I SWEAR IT!

I'm not a writer.

From the moment that I met you, I knew I didn't need you.
I knew you weren't good for me and you'd just cause problems.
I knew that you would use the same lines on me that you use on every girl.
I knew that you were just trying to make her mad with how "happy" you were and that you never truly understood my jokes.
I knew your dirty habits, your horrible reputation, and how every girl in town thought you were the greatest thing ever.
I knew that you never actually liked me, you just wanted to use me.
I knew all this and ,for some reason, I didn't walk away.
From the moment that I met you, I knew I didn't need you
but I wouldn't mind taking a chance.

Homecoming 2008

"Its not about the amount of punches yoo throw. Or the words yoo can so blindly spit out."

I made homecoming court for Union County High School.
Yes, me. The girl who never expected to win anything and is occasionally looked at with funny glances as I walk down the hall.
I like to do my own thing, your comments have never phased me and all that's ever mattered to me was that I keep my incredibly amazing friends and a good head on my shoulder.
I've succeeded in this.

Maybe it is just the fact that my day has been pretty glum. Or maybe that I have a lot of homework that I am freaking out about on top of all of this.
Whatever the reason may be...today, all your comments you toss my way in hope to bring me down, actually got to me.
I don't know what I was expecting. Maybe that for once, everyone would be happy and excited and pat me on that back saying "good job". Whatever it was, I didn't get.

All day I've heard about how I don't deserve to be on homecoming court.
I don't exactly know how to take that. What was I supposed to do in order to deserve this? Go through some homecoming bootcamp and prove that I wanted this?
I've never seemed excited about it because I'm not one that anyone would ever expect to be chosen to for this.

Despite what you say or how you feel about it, I'm not backing out of this.
For once, the "freaks" get a chance to stand up and be noticed for once. This just proves that you don't have to look or act a certain way to get recognized.
I treat people with respect and I believe that's why I got chosen over some others.

Maybe before you shoot out your purposely hurtful comments, you should think about how it is going to affect others. Not just in this situation, but anytime.
Despite how often I keep my head held high walking past you and I pretend like I can't hear you, I have feelings too.
I'm not immune to your words and it does indeed hurt my feelings.
Please, just think before you spit out your insults.
I have faith that these people aren't bad people, they are just getting caught up in silly high school drama. None of this is going to matter 2 years down the road.
What is going to matter is how you treat others. Work on that and just be happy for what's going on right now.

In conclusion, all I have to say is this will be the most rockin' homecoming ever :D