Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Of course, of course

wow...so I haven't posted anything in like 10 years.
kay--not really THAT long, but a lot has happened since my last post that mostly everyone, outside of blog world knows about.

My life of the past 5 months of so: (in a nutshell)
-Broke up with Don, of course
-Re-dated Timmy...because I have no judgment skills
-Was incredibly unhappy for about a month
-Broke up with Timmy
-Was incredibly happy for about a month
-Started worrying about everything little thing ever, lost all sense of inspiration, and am just generally back to the bottom of the mood spectra.

What are my most recent worries?
Well, they kinda include (OH HEY! another list)
-not being able to come up with any new amazing ideas for Starship creations
-feeling left out among friends...feeling unneeded
-not being as "inspirational" as I once thought myself to be. That may be completely selfish of me to say, but back in the day, I actually felt like I made a difference on people and actually affected people. (or is it effected??)
I guess that part kind of goes back to feeling unneeded.
-I fear that when I can drive, WHICH WILL BE A WEEK FROM NOW!!, I'll become one of those kids who lose closeness with their family. I'm sure when the time comes I'll find a way to balance friends & family & my so-called-job & school (wait, I won't have that soon...not for 2 months anyway) & chores & everything else together.
I'm sure it will all come as naturally as learning to ride a bike.
I'm incredibly nervous for it now, but once I get it all straightened away, the feeling of freedom will be awesome!
I freak myself over the tiny things...I know this. Yet, I still let them get to me.

I don't want to become one of those kids who is in a constant up and down of life.
I want to go back to being BRI-like (haha)
I'm going to spend a lot of time with the person who knows me best, Farrah. She always knows what to do!
I also came to the realization I was happier when I blogged constantly and could just spill my mind into this page [that I'm very aware
no one ever reads] until I explain everything to myself.

Imma go back to blogging about everything :]

I swear it!
And, I will be better once and for all.

"What we think, we become"