I have yet to conclude...

whether or not I'm happier
with or without you.

On one hand,
the history we've had in the past almost-year, has been awesome!
I've experienced more and been through more with you
in this short amount of time than I have with most.
We've had our ups and downs and we're most definitely infamous
for our downs.
But hey, that doesn't mean we can't bring things back up.
You're the only person that will actually take the time to calm me down whenever I call you up at any hour in the night, crying my eyes out over some silly nightmare I've had.
And I adore that side of you. I adore the side of you I knew for like 6 months; the side of you that became my other half for a short while.

And on the other hand,
you've become everything you once hated.
You were never the weight-lifting hot shot you think you are now. You never referred to girls as "hot" and you actually held some sincerity in your voice.
You didn't go out of your way to make sure I was jealous and you actually made sure not to do the things that I specifically told you bother me.
You're completely alone. You've changed every piece of yourself just so a group of "friends" will accept you.
Hopefully, one day you'll actually see what everyone else already does see.

I was willing to let you back in my life. For the third time.
I still am.
Going against everyone's best advice is just what I do.
I was hoping I'd get to see the person you used to be again because now I could really use him.

You say you want me back in your life; as a friend.
I'm cool with that.
But I'm sick of being put on the back burner just because your new found attitude makes you think you can do that.
You care just slightly enough to keep me around.
I'm sick of boys like you and I hate that you're now a boy like that.




Completely unrelated but I sat down next to a cricket today without knowing it. It hopped and I about had a heart attack! Just saying.